


Bleed For You

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Feels, Insomnia, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Memories, Nightmares, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Some hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 07:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16635458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe’s past with Kylo catches up to the present and, in time, threatens to destroy everything.





	Bleed For You

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Because I figured I’d take the typical trope of Poe wanting to kill Kylo and exile Rey “for the good of the Resistance” and turn it on its head. Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for her help with the beginning!

Poe didn’t know how long he spent looking through old boxes of Ben’s things.

It was quiet on the  _Falcon_ as he went through the boxes. Finn, after a long while, had been persuaded to go to sleep and that Rose would be fine; she had medical droids watching over her, after all. Rey was asleep, even the General was asleep even as the  _Falcon_ sped through hyperspace. Everyone was asleep but Poe.

Poe wished he could sleep as well as they were at the moment.

Right now, even looking over Ben’s things brought back a whole flood of memories. Poe knew he ought to throw them out now. Seeing Kylo Ren unmasked on the battlefield — the only reason Poe hadn’t broken down was the fact that he couldn’t afford to. He was good at keeping calm — escaping the Finalizer with Finn was one example. Now...

He wanted to cry. But he knew the moment he started crying it would be like a dam breaking. He’d be unable to stop.

There was Ben’s old calligraphy set in one box. It was badly damaged from when a hut had fallen on it (and Luke had been evasive in terms of explaining how it had happened), but it was Ben’s, and Poe couldn’t bear to throw it away. He remembered Ben first learning calligraphy, and making Poe’s name into calligraphy in one of his paintings. Poe could still remember each flowing letter, turning something Poe already knew into something glorious.

”It’s beautiful,” he had said, and Ben had smiled at him, a gentle, warm smile that seemed to light up that face. And speaking of that painting, Poe still had it. The way it had been set up with its different brush strokes and colors, it was like a time capsule of Poe back when he’d been a younger man. A bit fanciful in places, painting Poe as almost ethereal and angelic, but it was a beautiful painting.

He continued through the boxes. Even as he picked out a silver kyber crystal, he could remember Ben Solo, nine years old, running towards him with messy hair and a broad smile, handing him a kyber crystal.  _“Poe! Look what I found!_ ”

He’d still kept it, after all these years. It was like a small piece of the friendship they shared. Ben, a small, black-haired boy talking about how he was going to be a Jedi saving the galaxy. Ben, an older, awkward teenager, growing into his own skin and trying to emulate Poe with his work on his father’s ship. Ben, eighteen, confessing to Poe in the dark about the monsters in his head, how scared he was, and Poe reassuring him that he would win this.

Ben. His Ben.

And now he’d become the same monstrous beast that had killed his father, that had tortured Poe and Rey, mutilated Finn’s back, killed Tallie and many others, tried to annihilate the Resistance. Had the monsters in his head overtaken him?

Maybe Poe wasn’t enough. Stars willing he’d wanted to be. He’d wanted to be good enough for someone like Ben. Maybe he wasn’t made for even that.

”Poe?”

Rey’s voice. Poe nearly dropped the box; even anyone seeing him with that box was enough to make him feel incredibly, crushingly self-conscious, and he tried to recover himself. “Rey. Can’t sleep?”

”I had a nightmare,” Rey said bluntly.

”I’m sorry.”

”Not your fault,” Rey said. “Nothing you can help.” A beat. “Are those yours?”

”They belonged to someone I knew. He lost them.” A beat. “I lost him.”

Rey actually looked concerned. She obviously had never seen Poe vulnerable before. “I’m sorry,” she said.

”Not your fault. Nothing you did.”

”He must have been very dear to you,” Rey said softly.

”Dear” was an understatement.

”He was.” 

“Poe,” Rey said, “When you said you lost him, what happened to him?”

He couldn’t even begin to explain. Especially to someone he hadn’t quite gotten off on the right foot with. The fact they were having this conversation at all...

”He didn’t die,” Poe said. “I know that. He just changed. Betrayed everyone.”

”Kylo?” Rey said. “Did you know him?”

”I did. For my part.” A beat. “I know this doesn’t endear me to you.”

”It’s not your fault.” Rey paused as she spoke. “Are those his things?”

”Some we recovered, some he gave me.”

”So those were his things back when he was Ben. You couldn’t bear to throw them out.” Rey looked at him, really looked at him, nothing but compassion in her eyes. “It’s not your fault he fell. You didn’t have any role in what happened to him.”

”I could have saved him.”

”I think he had problems no one could fix. I thought I could help him, but...” Rey trailed off. Whatever had happened on the Supremacy, it was clear she blamed herself.

”Thank you, Rey. For trying to help him. Probably when no one else did.”

”I did what I could. I just wish I could have brought him home.”

”You did your best. And I am grateful.” A beat. “You know what? We need caffa. I mean, I’m not giving juma to a teenager, but I can put the kettle on...”

And even explaining to Rey what exactly caffa was and where it came from, Poe could take some solace in the fact that he had found companionship when he’d needed it.


End file.
